Oh, Hickey, You’re So Fine

Written by Emma Grosskopf

Are YOU dating a vampire? Hooking up with a vacuum cleaner? In love with a leech? If so, then you are probably very familiar with the general inconvenience and byproduct of a good makeout sesh that is a hickey. Whether you love ‘em or you hate ‘em, here’s some things to keep in mind when sucking face (or neck, or back, etc.) with a significant other (or total stranger! We don’t judge over here at the BA!):

1. A Healing Process
   1. There are a lot of home remedies out there about how to shrink the appearance of a hickey. Some of them are complete crap. If your neck is sore after a steamy romp, rub the surface of your skin with a toothbrush. The bristles help with blood circulation and reduce the appearance of the bruise. If you make a habit of keeping aloe vera around, rub a little bit of that on the spot. It’ll soothe your skin and help move along the healing process.
2. A Stealthy Cover-up
   1. Covering a hickey with makeup can be dicey, especially since 99% of the time, the same color concealer used for your face is too dark for your neck. Keep this in mind: a bad cover-up is worse than no cover-up at all. Find the right shade and use a yellow-based primer to cancel out the reddish purple color of the bruise. If you opt for the turtleneck-or-scarf route, just beware: if that’s not your usual style aesthetic, it might just draw more attention to your neck.
3. Communication is Key
   1. When you’re fooling around with your partner, don’t be afraid to shout it out if you have something against hickeys. If you’re into hickeys but just don’t want them where everyone can see them, let your partner know. Basically, just communicate openly about everything, including getting your neck sucked, period.
4. It Happens to Everyone
   1. If you’re reading this and sniffing disapprovingly, ask yourself: have I REALLY never had a hickey before? If not, that’s impressive. This is a college campus after all. But if you have, don’t sweat it. It happens to PRETTY MUCH everyone. Look at Kendall Jenner. She literally gets her picture taken for a living and had a hickey-gate involving Anwar Hadid (the lesser known but still pretty hot Hadid brother). No shame in being an RC bio major with a couple love bites. We just have to deal with pointed staring in Commons rather than paparazzi photos on DailyMail.
5. Don’t be An Ass About It
   1. You know what this means. It’s cool to have hickeys, it’s cool to hate hickeys, it’s cool to only like giving hickeys, and it’s cool to only like receiving hickeys, but it’s NEVER cool to prance around flaunting them. We aren’t 15 anymore, people. Congrats. Woo hoo. You got laid. Let’s move on with our lives.